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禪涅槃(선열반)(zenilvana)
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One time fun, life long regret
06/10/2019 08:01
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After all those golden days in my past, there are few things I still miss dearly, which were the opportunities not to jump right away into the love affair, not out of fantasy but in reality offered by women.


You think women are so sheepish in the matter of courting the male that would not attempt to initiate the action. You are wrong. They will do dare to approach you in more subtle way, so as to confuse you whether she opens for intimate relationship or some other casual stuff. There were many incidents in my life either young or old, but please allow me to reveal one of the bewildered things I have ever encountered without much success in the end.


One day a phone call ranged and heard a local woman saying that she was fond of me. Of course I was surprised to get to know this confession. What I said in return was 'that is very nice of you' with smile on my face of course.


She was a wife of someone whom I knew sometime as a successful businessman in the pharmaceutical area at the same age of mine. He was one of the original trustees of our church which I had frequented at the time.


Long story short, I hesitated to respond her remark to be put into action, as a man does supposedly not because I did not like her, but the worry of some sort of trap in messy affairs after the short affectionate relation to be satisfied. If a tail is too long, it will be stepped on, as saying in a Korean proverb.


First of all, I did not fully decipher of the meaning <I like you, don't you know that?>.  In fact, Her remark was so sudden and so I did not aware of her good impression toward me beforehand. You know, we were the member of Korean Presbyterian Church, in that community I never expected for this kind nakedly tempting suggestion, specially from this pretty woman.


The time went by without any brave action by me in the meaningful way as she expected . Her husband business grew enormously in such a degree that the whole Korean community marveled at their wealth and influence. Actually his success had nothing to do with me, but it was the matter of my moral ethics


In the old testament, there you can read a story of Joseph, who refused the advance from the wife of a pharaoh only to end up in prison hopelessly.


The identical consequence happened to me from my lover-to-be in such funny way as which I really stunned to encounter her complete disregard of my presence whenever we came across. I lost not only a sweet heart of her, but also a good chance to indulge in intimate sexual contacts in privacy. 


What immoral gossips in Korean community and so sufferings of shame I might have gone through, If I would have exposed badly in the secrete indulging, afterward.  It is better not to involve in that situation, after all. What good is it to have one time fun, but life long time regret? 


禪涅槃

6/10/21019


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One time fun, life long regret